chapter 56

When they both walked back into the club, Mandy excused herself and went to the bathroom to clean her face up a bit. Mark walked to the bar and stood next to Brian. He tapped him on the shoulder and smiled. Brian looked at him and blinked.
“What happened? Did you catch up with her? Did you talk to her? Did she go home?” he asked acceleratedly.
Mark sighed and shook his head “Relax. She is just in the bathroom. Yes I caught up with her and I had a serious word with her!”
Brian blinked, “Well, what did she say? Oh god, what did YOU say?”
Mark laughed, “She is just very confused Brian. She doesn’t know what she wants or what she’s feeling, or even what she is supposed to be feeling. I have managed to get a few things out of her, but that’s for you to discuss. Basically she is very hurt and clearly she still has feelings for Nicky, but that’s just to be expected. I managed to calm her down and told her to look into her heart and to do what it was telling her to do!”
“And what was it telling her to do?” asked Brian.
Mark grinned, “Again, that is for the both of you to discuss, not for me to say. I suggest you go somewhere quiet where you can both talk. Anyway. She is coming over now. I’ll leave you to it!” he winked and patted his back, starting to walk away.
“Thanks Mark. I appreciate it!” called out Brian.
Mark held his hand up and winked at Mandy as he passed by her. Mandy walked to the bar and stood next to Brian.
“Hey!” he smiled at her.
Mandy smiled nervously and looked at the people dancing.
“Are you ok now?” he asked.
Again, she smiled nervously and nodded. Brian stared at her for a moment and then looked away. He so wanted to have that chat with her, but he didn’t want to seem too pushy by asking her. They just remained quiet for a while when Nicky joined them. Mandy looked at him and frowned.
“Mandz, can I talk to you for a sec please?” he asked, grabbing her hands softly
Mandy looked at him, then at Brian, who just looked at them both.
“Nicky, I dunno!” she sighed, pulling her hands away, making them slip away from his.
“Please!” he begged, “Just…Let’s dance and we’ll talk them ok?”
Mandy sighed and got up from the stool. She looked at Brian and smiled, “I’ll be right back! Then we can talk!”
Brian smiled and nodded. Nicky and Mandy walked to the dance floor. He put his arms around her waist and she put hers on his shoulders.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
Mandy sighed, “Look Nicky. Say whatever it is you need to say and lets get it over with, ok?”
Nicky sighed and nodded, “Mandz, you know that none of this is your fault, right?”
Mandy bowed her head down, “I don’t want to talk about this, ok?”
“Well, you have to, Mandz. You need to talk about it or else you’ll never accept it or get over it!” he answered, knowing he sounded harsh.
“Maybe I don’t want to get over it.” She shrugged.
“What, you want to be confused, hate yourself and be miserable for the rest of your life, do you?” he questioned her.
Mandy sighed and bowed her head down again.
“Shutting this all out is not going to help you, you know? You need to come to terms with it. You need to learn to accept it, so you can move on!” he continued.
“I have my way of dealing with it, ok? I do not need your advice, thank you very much!” she snapped.
“Well, it seems your way is not working out too well, is it?” he answered, as they swayed along to the music.
“I don’t need this, Nicky. Why are you doing this to me?” she whined.
“Coz you need to let all your feelings out. I hate seeing you like this!” she sighed.
“Yeah that’s quite ironic, actually. You hate seeing me like this, yet you are the one who made me feel like this!” she sneered.
“I know you hate me at the moment babe and I don’t blame you!” he sighed.
“I don’t hate you, Nicky!” she sighed back, “Though I really wish I did!”
“Ok then. I know you don’t like me very much at the moment, but one thing you have to know is, it’s not our fault. None of this is your fault. You have done nothing wrong. And neither has Brian, by the way. It’s me, ok? I couldn’t accept who I was. I am the responsible one here. I know you hate yourself babe. I heard you talking to Brian earlier ad you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t hate yourself!” he sighed, pulling her closer towards him and making her rest her head against his chest as they danced, “You’re such a sweetheart! You’re lovely. You’re kind and you’re…you’re beautiful. Any man would be lucky to have you!”
“Then why did you choose not to have me?” she mumbled.
“Coz I am not a man!” he joked. Mandy looked up at him and then looked away, laughing lightly.
“Don’t make me laugh. I am not in the mood to laugh!” she went serious again.
“Seriously though. That’s all I wanted to say. You’re a gorgeous person Mandz, inside and out. Always remember that!” he smiled.
Mandy nodded, “It’s gonna take a while for me to feel good about myself again. My confidence has been knocked for six and I am not getting it back straight away. Too much damage has been done. But thanks for the chat anyway!”
Nicky nodded and kissed her cheek, “Thanks for listening. Now go to Brian coz it looks like he really wants you back!”
Mandy nodded and walked away. She stood in front of Brian and stared at him, “Where shall we go?”
Brian jumped off his stool, “Let’s go outside!” he sighed.
Mandy nodded and followed him out. It was empty and not surprising since it was so cold. Mandy wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. Brian took his jacket off and wrapped it around her, “You’ll catch your death of a cold Brian!” she shrieked.
“Stop arguing and just keep it!” he sighed.
Mandy sighed and stared at him, “You really are the sweetest guy ever, you know that?”
Brian smiled and shrugged, looking away.
“And if my head wasn’t so fucked up I would grab you in an instant and make you mine!” she smiled.
Brian looked at her quickly, “What makes you think I would have you?”
Mandy sighed and shook her head, “Oh, well…I dunno, I just…”
Brian smiled, “Only kidding babe!”
Mandy smiled and looked away. She wrapped her arms around herself and walked around him, “I just…I feel numb. I don’t know if what I feel is genuine or not!”
“What is it you feel Mandz?” he asked nervously.
Mandy looked at him, “Could you please not look at me while I say this?” she blushed.
“What? Why?” he laughed.
“Please, just don’t!” she sighed.
Brian shrugged and turned around. Mandy placed her hands on the railings and looked over the terrace, “I…well…you…I mean….Brian!”
“Just tell me!” he sighed.
Mandy sighed, closed her eyes, took a deep breath and decided to brave it, “I think you’re special. I think we’d be amazing together, Brian. You’re a lovely guy. I mean, you’re sensitive, sensible, reliable, funny, emotional, very good looking, and most of all, you have a fantastic character. You are one in a million Brian. There are not enough men like you. You could have anyone you really wanted. You’re amazing.!”
Brian smiled and turned around to look at her.
“And not to mention, a fantastic shag too!” she joked.
Brian now laughed and walked closer to her.
“Seriously though, you’re an amazing guy and I do like you. I really do, Brian. It’s just…My head is so screwed up. I don’t want to get into anything at the moment, because I am not too sure if these feelings are genuine or if I am just on the rebound and looking for someone to replace the love I have lost!” she sighed, “And I just don’t want to end up hurting you in the end Brian!”
“I could really love you like you want me to, Mandz!” he said, standing behind her.
Mandy turned around when she heard his voice so close and jumped slightly when she saw him standing there. She took a step back and smiled, “I know you could Brian. I do not doubt it for a second. And I really do want to give us a chance. I really, really do. But I need time to get over everything that has happened. I need to sort my own head out before I jump into another relationship. I wouldn’t be any good to ANY bloke at the moment!”
“You’d be good for me!” he smiled, rubbing her cheek with his thumb, “But I know what you mean. I will wait for you, Mandy!”
Mandy shook her head “I cannot ask you to wait for me Brian! I don’t want you wasting your time on me!”
Brian smiled and rubbed her other cheek, “If getting you at the end is what I’ll get, then I don’t care about how much time I waste, babe!”
Mandy looked at him and smiled, “Thank you!”
Brian looked at her seriously, “Just one thing though!”
Mandy looked at him and blinked.
“There will probably be times when you’ll flirt and possibly pull some other bloke. That is part of the healing process. And while I am hear to listen to every exciting thing that has happened to you, I draw the line at listening about your sex shenanigans with other men ok? Please spare me the details!” he smiled.
Mandy looked at him and smiled, “One night stands are not my thing Brian, but yeah. I will keep them to myself.”
Brian snorted with laughter.
“What?” asked Mandy confused.
“One night stands ain’t your thing? What was I then?” he chuckled.
Mandy smiled, “OK, so it happened once. Sue me!”
Brian laughed and kissed her lips gently, “You’re lovely!”
Mandy smiled, “Thank you for being so patient with me Brian. It really means a lot to me!”
Brian smiled and hugged her, “I have all the patience in the world when you are involved babe. You’re well worth the wait!”