chapter 39

Brian was brought to the realisation of what he was doing when he felt Mandy’s nails digging into his back. He quickly pulled away and sat up in bed.
“Mandy no, we cannot do this!” he panted, touching his lips.
Mandy kneeled up behind him and wrapped her arms around his neck from behind. She started kissing his neck and occasionally nibbling it. Brian closed his eyes and leaned his head back with an almighty sigh.
“See? We can!” she whispered, going down his shoulders and up his neck again. Brian’s pants got louder and quicker, before he lowered his head and escaped her, standing up and looking at her, “No we can’t. This is all wrong. It’s all so wrong!” he argued.
“Please Brian!” she begged.
Brian shook his head, “It would be wrong for me to do that Mandy. I don’t want to take advantage of you!”
Mandy sank down on her knees and sighed, “You wouldn’t be. I want this!” she whispered, rubbing her hands on her thighs.
“No. You’re feeling vulnerable babe. Right now, you’d sleep with the bogeyman if he asked you!” he sighed.
Mandy tilted her head, “Are you calling me a slut?”
Brian laughed lightly, “No. Not at all. I am just saying that you are not thinking straight!”
“Oh, but I am! Here, let me show you!” she planted her lips against his and started kissing him again. Brian did not respond at first, but Mandy was so convincing, wrapping her hand around his neck and pushing him in towards her even more. He finally opened his mouth, welcoming her impatient tongue. As soon as he realised again what he was doing, he put is hands behind his neck, unclasped her hands and pulled away. Panting heavily he looked at the bed.
“Stop it Mandz, we really cannot do this!” he panted.
Mandy gave him a hurt look as the tears started forming in the corner of her eyes.
“OH please don’t look at me like that darling. You know how I feel about you. That’s why I cannot let this happen!” he sighed.
“Please, don’t you reject me aswell Brian McFadden!” She cried, “Please. Being rejected by one man is more than I can take!”
“Sweetheart, I am not rejecting you. I would never reject you. I just don’t want you to get up in the morning hating me and yourself for letting this happen! This is not what you need!” he explained, stroking her hair.
“I need you!” she whispered, “I need you to make love to me!”
Brian shook his head, as his heart shattered into a zillion tiny pieces, “No you don’t! You just need your self esteem to be brought back to life and this is not the way to go about it babe!”
Truth was he really wanted her. He wanted to take her in his arms and make mad passionate love to her. He sighed and shook his head, wanting to reach out and touch her.
Mandy looked deep into his eyes, “I won’t hate you. Please Brian. Please. I just really need this. I need to feel loved. I need to feel wanted…I really need you…Please!” she bawled.
Brian wiped her tears away and sighed, “I can’t!” he whispered.
Mandy bowed her head down and bit her lip hard, “I feel so worthless!” she whispered.
Brian looked at her quickly and pulled her into a hug, “Oh you are not worthless babe. You’re worth so much. Much more than you’ll ever know. You’re precious!” He pulled away from her and looked at her.
“Then how come I don’t feel it” she squeaked, slamming her arms on her thighs. She was still kneeling down on the middle of the bed as Brian sat next to her.
Brian looked at her as he stroke her cheek lovingly, “You’re so special babe!” he whispered, wiping her tears away.
“I really want you Brian!” she whispered back, leaning her face against his hand.
“No you don’t! You want me to make you feel good about yourself!” he sighed.
Mandy looked at him through her tear filled eyes, “Can you do that?” she croaked.
He just stared at her and sighed, “I really want to but…”
Mandy did not wait for him to finish his sentence. She pressed his lips hard against his and this time he did not fight his feelings. He gently caressed her cheeks as he kissed him, moving them to the back of her neck and deepening the kiss more. He panted heavily against her mouth. Mandy rubbed her hands all over his back, pulling his t-shirt up in the process. Brian dug his fingers in her soft skin on her back and placed them on the waistband of her jeans.
Mandy rubbed her hand up and down his sweaty back, staring deep into space, thinking about that round of love making she had just experienced.
“Wow!” he whispered, Jesus Christ!” he gently kissed her shoulder.
Mandy just smiled.
“You feeling any better?” he panted, getting off her and laying on his back on the bed.
Mandy yawned slightly and nodded.
Brian smiled and pulled her closely against him, wrapping his arms around her.
“Come on babe. You’re tired. Get some sleep. I’ll be here with you!”
He kissed her forehead as she closed her eyes whilst a tear seeped through her eyes before she fell fast asleep.