chapter 44

Nicky sighed, went upstairs and knocked on her door.
“Mandy, come on. Let’s talk about this.” He moaned.
“Leave me alone.” She cried, clearly embarrassed by coming onto him. She had read all his signs wrong.
“Not until you talk to me!” he insisted.
Mandy huffed, got up and moodily opened the door with force. She looked at him through her tears. Nicky frowned and shook his head.
“Mandy!” he sighed.
“What!” she grunted.
“What’s going through your mind babe?” he asked, brushing his hair back.
“I just want my husband back!” she cried.
“You still have me, sweetheart. I will always be there for you!” he answered.
Mandy shook his head and sniffed, “You know what I mean!”
“I am sorry babe. I cannot help who I am!” he frowned.
Mandy bit her lip, “I have just fucked everything up!”
“How?” he asked, confused.
“Maybe I should have been more loving towards you. Maybe I should have stopped nagging at you. Maybe I should have spent more time with you!” she ranted.
“More loving? Honey, you couldn’t be more loving if you tried. You have a heart of gold and it is simply not possible for you to be any more loving. God, none of this is your fault baby. It is not your fault I am gay. It is not because of anything you have or have not done. It is just the way I am and I suppose always have been!” he shook his head, not believing she was blaming herself for the break up.
Mandy just sniffed and looked at the ground, “I can’t believe it’s over!” she whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek rapidly.
“We can still be friends!” he weakly said, as his heart broke into a million tiny pieces.
Mandy looked at him and shook her head, “I don’t want to be your friend. I want to be your wife again!” she screamed.
“Mandy, please darling, not this again, I have…” he whined.
Mandy slammed the door in his face and started packing her bags again. Soon she emerged from her room. Nicky looked at her in shock, “Where are you going?” he gasped.
“Fuck knows. All I know is that it was a very bad idea coming back here.” She cried, storming past him.
“Mandz, you cannot just leave without having a place to go!” he shouted, running after her.
“Just watch me!” she hissed, opening the front door and storming out.
“But where will you go?” he screamed after her, “Where will you stay?”
Mandy opened the gate and stormed out, “I’ll find a hotel or something!”
“But they are very expensive…Mandy…MANDY!!!!” he called after her, stopping at the gate. He knew she was not going to stop. He sighed and just watched her disappear into the darkness. He knew he was fighting a losing battle he walked back into his house and threw himself on the sofa where he let a few tears escape his eyes.
Mandy just ran and ran, going from hotel to hotel, but without any luck. She had decided on walking to calm herself down. She did not trust herself in a car, in the state she was in. As she walked through a dimly lit street, she was startled by a hand on her shoulder. Ready to kick whoever it was in defence, she saw a very familiar face in front of her.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” she smiled, “Where are you going?” she looked at the big bag on her hand.
Mandy sighed and bowed her head down as she stared at her.
“Are you ok?” she asked, concerned.
Mandy bit her lip and shrugged.
“You do remember me, right? I was in the office the other day. Mar’s wife!” she reminded her, hoping to get a reaction and some words from her.
Mandy just nodded.
Fina sighed, “Sorry I don’t mean to sound nosy, but you just looked really upset!” she sympathised.
“I am just trying to find a place to stay!” sighed Mandy, finally breaking her silence.
“Home not good enough for you?” grinned Fina.
Mandy bowed her head down and shook her head, “I have split up with my husband!”
“OH Jesus. I was only kidding. I am so sorry!” Fina grovelled.
“It’s ok. How were you to know?” shrugged Mandy, still looking at the ground.
“Haven’t you got any friends you could stay with?” she asked, “Hotels round here are just so expensive!”
Mandy shook her head, “I fell out with the only friend I had here!” she sighed and shook her head.
“OH dear. You’re having a bit of a rough time, aren’t you? Can’t you just make up?” she questioned.
Mandy shook her head quickly, “Nah. I doubt it. It’s too late for that now. We slept together!” she shrugged, suddenly unable to believe she was telling this to someone she hardly knew.
“OH no!” sighed Fina.
Mandy sighed and nodded. Fina thought for a bit and then looked at her.
“I know I hardly know you…I mean, I know we hardly know each other, but Mark knows you. Anyway, we have a spare room going if you want to stay until you sort yourself out, if you are interested!” she offered.
Mandy looked at her quickly, not believing she would put up with her, “Are you serious?” she gasped.
Fina nodded and smiled, as she gently shook the pram, “Well, yeah. I mean, I would hate the thought of you not finding a place and having to sleep in the streets. I would never sleep tonight!”
Mandy smiled, touched by her kind gestures, “Thanks, but I can’t. I don’t want to intrude!”
“OH you wouldn’t be intruding.” Smiled Fina insistently, “Come on. I am not taking no for an answer!”
Fina started walking and Mandy followed her hesitantly.
Fina looked back at her, “Come on then!” They got to the car and Fina drove off.
“So, how long have you been living in Dublin?” asked Fina.
“Only a month!” shrugged Mandy.
“Do you like it here?” asked Fina with a smile, as she checked at her sleeping daughter on the rear view mirror.
“It’s alright. I get lonely and I miss my family and friends, but the nightlife here is amazing!” she tried to smile.
“OH, the nightlife. I have forgotten what they are like. Currently, my night life consists of feeding fatty behind us every 3 hours and changing his nappy. I hardly ever go out anymore now that I have the kids!” she smiled, concentrating on the road.
Mandy looked at her, “I could baby-sit for you anytime you want!”
Fina looked at her briefly, and then laughed, “Oh don’t go saying things like that. I will only take you up on your offer!”
“I am serious!” smiled Mandy, “Anytime you want, I can baby-sit. It’s the least I could do!”
Fina briefly looked at her again and smiled, “Well, thanks. I might just ask you one day!”
“Whenever you want, just give me a shout.” Smiled Mandy with a shrug, “The offer’s there!”
The rest of the journey was silent, until Fina started slowing down.
“OK here we are!” she smiled, parking the car and killing the engine. They both got out and walked to the door.
“You sure Mark will be ok with me staying over?” checked Mandy.
“Yeah, of course he will be. He knows you from work. He’ll be fine!” smiled Fina.
“Yeah, but he is Brian’s mate too!” sighed Mandy.
“Brian? What does Brian have to do with any of this?” she asked confused, as she grabbed her door key.
Mandy sighed, “Brian is my mate…the one I slept with and had a fall out with!”
“Oh!” answered Fina, thinking about it. She then pulled a face and shook her head, “Nah. He’ll be fine. Honest!”
Mandy smiled as they both went in.
“Mummy!” squealed a child’s voice. Mandy looked to the door and saw a 3-year-old running towards her mother and clinging onto her leg. Fina smiled and hugged her daughter. She then looked at Mandy, “You remember Tammy, right?”
Mandy smiled and nodded and then bowed down to Tammy, “Hello Tammy. How are you?”
Tammy just grinned shyly and hid behind her mother’s leg. Mandy smiled and stood up again. Fina looked at Tammy, “Oh, you weren’t so shy the other day at daddy’s work were you?”
Tammy giggled and let go of her mother’s leg. Fina looked down at her and smiled.
“You been a good girl?” she asked her.
Tammy grinned and nodded.
“Hmmm that face says otherwise. Where’s daddy?” she asked.
Tammy pointed outside to the garden.
“Outside? What is daddy doing outside in the dark?” she asked herself.
Tammy shrugged and walked outside to join her father. Fina shrugged and took Emma out of her pram and sat her on the baby bouncer. She then went to the kitchen to dump some shopping inside and then walked back to the living room.
“Make yourself at home” she smiled at Mandy.
They heard voices from the kitchen door and looked to see Mark walking in.
“Mate, you just have to…” he stopped talking when he saw Mandy there, “…oh!”
“What? Have to…” asked Brian behind him. He stood beside Mark and followed his gaze, “Oh!”